This is All Huge/h Learning

Standing on the shoulders of giants is firstly a loss in translation phrase, but secondly more relevantly, a warm and empowering feeling. One of the many legends of applied practises I have had the unbelievable pleasure to learn from is Sandy Akerman. Sandy is a master of Forum Theatre, a long-suffering lecturer on ‘that degree what I did’ and a disciple of Augusto Boal. She has many devising games up her sleeve, one of which is called ‘fortunately/unfortunately’. This game is typically for 3-10 players and is a way of opening the imagination, getting you to think on your feet, normally quite funny and a way into storytelling. As I reflect on Squeeze Box 24, and an extraordinary 2 weeks which flew past (sometimes for the right reason and sometimes well…we take the good with the not so good!), I am going to try and play the game – I wonder what will happen

So, yes let’s (another game learnt from Sandy-this blog is a reflection wrapped up in a game wrapped up in practise!)… start with the biggest fortunately…

Fortunately, we were successful with our ACE project grant!! I spoke at length before about this brilliant feeling, and the celebration that went on into the night. It was a huge team effort, and in that moment I could not have been prouder. The funding naturally makes so many things possible, but almost more so, is the fact that people, who I would probably never meet, have read our application, and thought: ‘You know what, that one is worth a punt’.

Unfortunately, many of the key artists, including myself, were in the midst of other amazing, but energy draining, projects/processes. Although this also fits into the fortunately, as these amazing artists deserve all the best projects and our communities deserve to have this input from these amazing people. However, this meant that it was tricky to find time to all sit down together, and comms were swamped with everything else. I wrote this in our ACE activity report, there is less resilience in the sector as a whole meaning projects often need to be bunched together as funding is never certain – grass roots organisations and independent artists are doing extraordinary things with less and less.

Fortunately, the joy from receiving a ‘yes’ from ACE sustained us. We worked smartly to carve out a decent amount of time before the project, in earnest, started. There are so many mountains of paperwork and planning, careful deliberations, and logistical things, that it is impossible to get this spot-on first time. Access was always at the heart of decision making with Squeeze Box, it is not only important for the artists but vital for quality of the artistic intent.

Unfortunately, I want so much to create the unreachable ‘accessible for everyone’ scenario. This is made even harder by being on a tight budget and with the perceived strict parameters from funders – these funders seem scary and distant but are actually very much on our side. This (perceived) threat, real or not, leads to relying on the generosity/good will of critical friends offering many of their assets and skills, including local space owners giving free rehearsal space to add in to the application as match funding, demonstrating partnership working. Flexibility is key, as is communication, and I can see now how both may have been lacking at the beginning of this project. This seems to have had a cascade effect on all involved.

Access needs time, it needs commitment and space to breathe. It needs to be able to go wrong. It needs check-ins at the start of the day and a reflection at the end and it needs honesty, not over committing yourself or saying yes just to please, being real and in the moment. It can be messy, but it can be glorious! Get it right, you feel the power of the team and the support for each other is gold. Accepting when we need to pause, asking when we need support and allowing others to help with tasks. Looking out for everyone in the team and noticing when things feel off is a huge part of our learning along the way and it is awe-inspiring!!

Fortunately, messy is such an important and powerful word for us – creativity is the act of creating mess! It’s joyful, get-stuck-in, an invitation word, let’s get messy! Within access, one artist may need a detailed schedule, and another may need it to be relaxed to be able to go with the flow. Can both be possible? Or is this just too messy? Well, we certainly found ways to make it work, the right kind of messy, the kind of messy which melds with all the others artists messy, the kind of messy which creates a beautiful web of inextricably undeniable care, love and connection between us all.

Another fortunately, I know I am cheating now … our workshops were messy, and brilliant! With CEDA, The Pelican Project and the Paignton community at large, we created magic. It was Squeeze Box, it was access. This creative journey of building community within a space and giving each participant agency to write their own narrative within the session led to a rebalancing of artists/facilitators and participants/receivers - a recalibration to the immense joy of everyone in the workshop.

Unfortunately, we planned our whole project around developing this methodology, yet what we needed was less time theorising or over-complicating, and more time together playing and workshopping. This meta-mess was woven into our original application, but in the moment of ‘I think we have tried to squeeze too much in’/can’t see the woods from the trees, all you worry about is the ironic tickbox waltz – we have to complete the funding narrative, we have to engage this many people, we have to finish the project, wrap it up in a tight bow. However, five meaningful engagements are worth 100 in the metaphorical bush. The Arts Council endorse this where necessary, but maybe that needs conversations and not just presuming they won’t be flexible – they are about the arts and the artists too. Squeeze Box is about getting deep into the irony and finding ways to make the waltz enjoyable for those dancing, the choreographers and those watching and even those doing a jive in the corner. It really is a huge undertaking, a massive responsibility and an essential ingredient in bringing care back into the centre of communities, countries and even the world. Sometimes, during the project we got this spot-on, sometimes it was lacking … maybe not fortunately/unfortunately, maybe it was just all part of the process and a whole lot of learning too.

Paignton yearns for connection

Fortunately, we did this by facilitating a creative conversation about care. A handful of participants booked but we had more than 25 people involved, double at least for people who stopped to have a chat! You need artists and space for this connection to happen.

Yet, (Sandy, if you are reading this, huge apologies for breaking the rules of your game so blatantly), accepting the first space that pops up like an illusion due to the kind offerings of locals, are maybe just that… mirages, too often not what we wish or even need them to be, perfect for smaller get-togethers and a huge bonus to the community, but in this area even many of the bigger spaces and theatres do not meet the access needs we require. We must remember it’s not helpful, fair or centred on care for the people (or the space) to try to fit our parallelogram into a triangle – another adage of trying to teach a fish to climb a tree… nothing wrong with the fish and nothing wrong with the tree – could even go further and call it a tadpole, but hey when it metamorphoses, other things work… we are always evolving and therefore always need to check back to what works for us in this moment and moving forward

Some of the magicians from WideOpen had warned me on the above, but with our previous successful time within the space and the warm welcome we had received, my ‘wishing glasses’ were tinted by our perceived ACE commitments (which are likely far more flexible than I could see in that moment) and the dire need to share our message of love and care in Paignton, my hometown.

Fortunately, this space was an amazing home for SqBx last March and has been integral for realising SqBx. That mini ‘interlude’ project was focused on creative development and team growth. We had the energy from SqBx 2023 with MakeTank Exeter and Battersea Art centre fuelling us on. We were able to relax into taking a wider lens to practice as the time we had was fully focused on just that. Long story short, the space was perfect and spoke to a rethink and reflection time.  

Unfortunately, the magic from that time couldn’t be repeated in the same space this time for our fast-expanding Squeeze Box. Having said that, it will always be part of our roots, but the move was needed and the magic that followed substantiated that decision. We panicked and pulled a lot of favours to find a space in Buckfastleigh, after trying loads of other spaces in Paignton. However, what we didn’t try was the obvious, the closest and the ‘grrrrr, why the hell didn’t I think of that before?!’… I still have the bruise from how much I kicked myself that evening… so I guess really this wasn’t unfortunate at all and has been a huge part of our growth, learning and acceptance of limitations – oh I’m ruining the game!!

Fortunately, the local legend Emily Appleton, theatre and event photographer, is now based in a photo studio in the heart of Paignton. She’s the genius who takes most of our photos – her ability to find the joy in people’s identity and capture the essence of a creative event, is second to none. She has offered her space multiple times to me. Again, if I had been regulated, Emily’s kind offer would have surfaced in my mind from the start (when I mean from the start, I mean months ago). Emily, you really did save our project and we loved being in your space!

Later, Emma was perfecting her BSL sign for regulation, when she asked Jen “what is regulation to you?” … Jen paused (already an offering to what the word means) … and said something like, when you are able to make clear decisions based on kindness, care and one that follows your moral compass…… whilst cuddling a puppy of course!!

Oh, damn it, I’ve broken the rules of the game again… fortunately, week 2, 4 days in Exeter Barnfield was a gear shift. In the days before, I was so grateful for the Zooms with some of the creative team. This time to check-in was a clarity moment on how we were trying to keep the project afloat with sticks instead of solid foundations of care informed process. The foundations were there but we just weren’t falling back on them and extending them in directions that were needed. We were all struggling to flourish as a creative ensemble – but difficult conversations don’t necessarily have to be inaccessible, maybe the opposite. Sharing problems with people you trust always helps and creative solutions spring up like daffodils after winter – you could say those conversations were even affirmational (poor Jen gets these difficult conversations on a daily basis – I think we are better at them now too).

So, when we arrived at the Barnfield, the stress levels were high, but there was a sense of, ‘right, this space feels a little more like ours and we can craft out the essential time for check-ins and reflecting together’.

Unfortunately…. ummm well maybe this game just doesn’t quite fit the concept and as Squeeze Box is webbed with finding positives within haystacks of barriers we have to admit that what we gained from the experience doesn’t really allow us to see the unfortunatelys as fully negative. However, it definitely felt that there was not enough time, we’d already lost too much. Even within this amazing space, I don’t feel we fully grasped the opportunity to be authentically ourselves and The Squeezy Team. We have already reflected on how the talk with the team, after the community sessions, was too short. It drifted into logistics and what still needs to be done, far too quickly! A dilemma facing most creative processes, but together, we managed to hold the space in the moment authentically, leaning into the things we know work very well; playing and workshopping – kudos to the team.

Fortunately, and this is a huge win, we did manage to deliver a safe space multiple times during this project, the pinnacle being the invited audience performance of Squeeze Box. The room was rammed, it was amazing. Our feedback showed how the audience felt cared for, our relaxed opening worked. The beautiful landscape that Squeeze Box sits in, almost a live installation, almost a theatre piece, landed with audience yet again. People step into a world of care, held by a theatre narrative, but with the freedom for myself and my fellow artists to not have to be daunted by learning a script, or being mortified when we start giggling, uncontrollably! Can a relaxed performance work if the artists aren’t also relaxed? I’d say probably not wholly, no!

So, how do I end this – with a new beginning? I hope so. The fortunatelys/unfortunatelys of Squeeze Box 2024 (again, like most journeys worth going on) were yin and yang. It is only human to want to smooth out the process and prolong that indescribable feeling of warmth, acceptance and belonging felt during the workshops and performance. What is important is that we reflect and learn, look back on achievements with fondness, and commit to putting stuff in place to negate the ‘not so wells’ for next time… ie using the fundamentals of care and access, and not trying to achieve 3 projects worth of activities in 9 days.  I was/still am proud of the bid writing team on our project’s plan and how we made a budget full of days where artists could be artists. We discovered the building blocks for an ambitious and radical residency model, ready to take to more communities across the UK and beyond. What happened in reality, was we tried to say yes to everyone and everything. We tried to create a world where anything is possible in any situation, we tried to make it accessible to all – lets put our own life jacket on first before trying to engage with the whole of Paignton and Exeter and the world… as Jack Kornfield teaches ‘If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete’ .

Final sharing, the mighty Clair and Jade facilitated a productive, fun, colourful and honest reflective day, a couple of weeks after the takeover. The day itself opened up so much thinking and we felt it important to share this shopping basket of access. We hope it will be useful not just for Squeeze Box’s future but for anyone else trying to improve accessibility within their own practice/lives! 😊

Time for creativity as well as producing.

 An independent evaluation from access perspective or wellbeing perspective.

 Time to create visual / stories access packs for audience.

 Assistant producer and 2 access workers (not creative)

 Narrative points leading to projects for planning. 

The piece as an installation, What is it? How do we make it?

 Before day 1..time to scope out the space (access/ needs).

 Longer time line with days where whole team aren't together. 

A place to stay close to the venues to avoid commuting .

 A digital /VR/AR/Audio version of SqBx[hart icon].

 An integrated psychotherapist/ wellbeing mentor.

Another pair of hands for busy delivery times.

Audio description.