An Almost Out-of-Body Reflection
The 15th September was a truly magical, transformative, joyful and creative evening. Aided by the fact that we were discussing the potential conclusions to the content we were sharing to an invited intimate audience/outside eyes 5 minutes before we began, there was a powerful balance between improvisation and structure. From the feedback we received, a lot of the Squeeze Box aims and objectives came across in the sharing and we are so excited to use the learning from the 15th in exploring new ways to develop Squeeze Box. After our critical friends arrived, we explained, in an informal chat, that this will be an open devising session and we encouraged the invitees to roam around the space soaking in different perspectives and feelings. The space itself was a barn divided into two rooms – one we had lights on and one was kept dark except for the projections. What follows is an abstract, distant, almost out-of-body reflection of the journey of that evening:
[image description: a bright light is attached to the barn with brown outside walls. The open barn doors show two rooms with equipment scattered around - the right room quite dark and the left quite bright. The floor is grey concrete with four figures sitting down, all with back to camera]
Breath, in and out, gentle like – calm before something. The realisation of three performers and 3 invited guests and 3 humans somewhere in-betweens – Their commonality is phones recording, taking pictures etc More than breathing now, sound. This waivers and dies but then starts again as eventually the three separate and find their own rhythms. One sits at a computer and makes stark images happen on the far wall. These reflect narratives of breathing – lungs, flowers opening up, words spilling from mouth as verbal warm up. Another turns to a desk scattered with instruments and things to play with – somewhere between music, sounds and soundscapes emit. The third to a table covered in paper – centre a tablet. They continue breathing performances – pausing and continuing, pausing and continuing… A burst of energy as they ‘run’ on the spot – out of breath, breath seems important in this state!
He journeys to the centre, out of breath -- continuing to try and give sound? He reads – the words are mirrored in the ‘other’ room – the conclusion flashes up – a feeling of agreement at that statement, murmuring maybe of realisation? Focus falls to a shredder in front of him. The on switch is flicked, papers shuffle and setting changes – there is a change in the air too!
The centre figure glides back and stares at a new image. A creepy fairground fortune-teller figure appears, woodenly staring down – the sound matches. Winner winner winner repeated over and over with different phases alluding to the same – Then a wall, a barrier, a stop sign of sound fills the space, dominating. Destroying all confidence, things become frantic! Poker chips and images of cards – the voice of the social worker or is it the fortune-teller or is it something even more sinister repeats, repeats, repeats. Their questions are not questions because answers are not required. The harsh cut-throat statements answer the already formed opinion of disability – something worth less, to be ignored if it can’t be fixed – Objectifying. The music performer moved to the projected wall and creates noise with a ladder – propping it up to the window – access? The relentless voice continues.
[image description: in a greyish room, there is projected images of a shredder, a large sheet of paper and grey squares on the far wall. Near that, Hugh in black sits in a blue seated chair, leaning forward. Near the camera, Jade, in a jumper and greenish trousers sits cross-legged - Tim and Steve are at the other end of the room, focussing on a table full of equipment. There is paper and shreds scattered around]
The bright, shining clinical light – almost painful to look into. Everything is on show to examine, pick apart, comment on. Parallel is dark, artist, creativity, companionship, friendship, freedom of expression hidden away – Squeezed
A punctuation image – something portraying the point of unbearableness, a retreat from the subject performer into the clinical lens but this is not where he belongs. The dark space offers so much therefore has to be truth – and that can be unbearable! Under lights he cowers as the dark room continues to spit out truths. He shakes
A plain dead pan ‘are you alright. Are you alright Hugh’ is repeated. Next a genuine, almost fearful request to help, to find out what’s wrong follows. Silence… a singing bowl sounds – calming. Understanding, relief but not undervalue or forgetting the horrors before. Eye contact, nodding gentle coaching – the performers are back together.
Success is the mood now. Relaxing, cheerful, hopeful and easy images project. Thank yous are happening elsewhere. A chill soundscape of music arrives – simultaneously upbeat ‘yesses. I did it’ and then sleepy aromas through sound and visual. Ending too quickly, want to stay in this state
Alarm, alarm, alarm, alarm! Wake up – now! ‘What’ shouts ‘What do you want’ redness – the mist descends. Again the space transforms. Loud angry beats and shouts and screams… A sense of chaos – how dare they be so disruptive! Paper everywhere – the shredder, then a weird centre piece now discarded, kicked over. Paper and shreds of chucked – delicate equipment at risk but there is some restraint. Helpful hands pick objects up only for them to be hurled back at them. Deep breathing, scowl, emotions running high. A need to start again out of deep panting, there is a need to start again!
The three return to a similar starting position - Breath, in and out, More than breathing now, sound.
‘and that is basically all we have’ some laughter, an end.